As with every racialized hate crime that floods our media, it weighs so heavy on my heart and body. The inner fears I have around raising free, Afro-Boricua children in a violent world resurface making my default tendency to become hyper-vigilant difficult to balance.Even knowing the right thing to say becomes blocked in my throat.
I’ll be honest. I go back and forth on how much to say or not to my 8 and 10 year olds. And I’m speaking as someone who has been leading and facilitating dialogues around anti-racist educational practices for almost two decades of my life. Yes, this shit is hard. Racialized violence isn’t going away. I know my kids need to know how to be aware and safe given how they show up in a racialized world. I also know that regularly bombarding them with these stories can cause real internalized self-hate, anxiety, and depression. I’ve seen this happen with many young, BIPOC youth and the harm is often a long road to repair. There has to be a balance, because leaning to the other extreme of never speaking about the ugly racial realities of our unjust society can be just as harmful.
So. What. Do. We. Do?
Being honest about how people are treated in America based on race is emotionally heavy, especially on Black and Brown bodies. Race conversations with children should always begin from a place of love, joy, and affirmation. The current and past history of oppression tied to race and racism is real. Slavery, Japanese Internmnet camps, the colonization of Indigenous land, police brutality, targeted attacks on Black bodies simply attending church or shopping for groceries. All of these events are real and the harsh lessons learned from them need to be told. But we don’t have to start nor end there. BIPOC youth need to be told stories of all the ways in which their ancestors thrived and contributed to the evolution of this planet. They need to see images and hear narratives of BIPOC leaders that exist today in their communities that are blazing trails for social change as well as see people that look like them finding joy in doing everyday things.
I don’t have all the answers when it comes to leading conversations about race with youth of all ages; however, I do want to offer a new approach I created for myself and my family and one I recommend educators consider as well. I call it the 2-1-2 Rule. For every difficult racial story you discuss, always start and end with two affirming or liberatory stories. I believe every diffiuclt story needs more than double of the opposite energy to counterbalance the emotional impact it has on a person. I’ve never studied this–not that I think it needs to be, but it feels right and I’ve noticed a difference in the energy of a room when we start and end with possibilities versus hopelessness. I like to think the 2-1-2 approach helps to avoid BIPOC youth from internalizing inferior ideas about themselves and white youth from internalizing ideas of superiority. The 2-1-2 rule allows you to have a real conversation about difficult events affecting our communities while giving space for young people to imagine brighter possibilities. Imagination is how we manifest, so if we remain stuck in a place of despair, there is no room for creative visualization to happen in the mind and spirit. And THIS is what we need more of!
I want to hear from you! How do you approach difficult conversations with young people at various ages (because the conversation should not sound the same at every developmental age group)? What questions do you have about this topic? What additional resources would you like to share with our community?
Additional Resources
For additional resources for talking about race and racialized violence, check out the following…
Resources for Talking about Race, Racism, and Racialized Violence by the Center for Racial Justice
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